Monday, 8 October 2012

The Telephone Cake: or, explaining the Bakers' Ennui


Picture this imaginary exchange ......

Ring ring! Ring ring!

Me: Hello?  

Them: Hello, it's the Cake Police here.

Me: The cake police?  Really? Like the little toppers on top of wedding cakes? How ever did you come to life?

Cake Police: No funny business thanks very much. We police baking. To be specific, we police Not Baking. And it has come to our attention, missy, that you have Not Been Baking. One might say you have Slacked Off.

Me: Indeed, one might say that. Are you saying that?

Cake Police: We are. According to your blog, which we are monitoring, you have not baked a cake for weeks. Is this true? How do you answer to this charge?

Me: It is true to some extent. I have baked cakes but I have not blogged them. Why are you monitoring my website?

Cake Police: That's classified ma'am. Your behaviour is unacceptable. It cannot continue.

Me: I'm sorry officer. I have been experiencing sugar overload. Flour elbow. I have Bakers' Ennui. You see, that duck cake was so good that I don't know how I am going to follow it.

Cake Police: We don't care. Neither do your readers. Get back on the horse!

Me: If only there was a horse cake, I would bake that in homage to your order.

Cake Police: Whatever. Do we have your word that this episode ends here?

Me: You do. I solemnly vow to blog the backlog. By the way, have you even noticed seen the telephone cake in this post? The coloured smarties and lifesavers are placed EXACTLY the same as the ones in The Book. Now that is attention to detail! Although I did struggle with the black licorice. For the life of me I couldn't make it stay curled up like they did in their photo. I bet the stylist used glue, or hairspray or something, to hold it in place. But my cake had to be eaten, so I could not use those tricks of the trade. And do you know how hard it is to even *find* Lifesavers these days? They come in an entirely differently-sized packet! And they are stuck way down on the bottom shelves of shops, along with the dust bunnies and the ladybirds made of chocolate. No one loves Lifesavers anymore.

Cake Police: We know. They are the poor cousin of today's Skittle. But don't try to distract us. We'll let you off with a warning this time, but next time don't expect such sweet treatment.

Me: thank you officer. Let the blogging begin again.


  1. I don't know how I've never noticed this before, but how many numbers are on that telephone?!

    1. WAY too many! In fact, thirteen, which doesn't even come close to making sense. I figured they were going for maximum lolly effect rather than numerical accuracy ....

  2. HURRAY!!!
    you're back blogging! I've missed you!
    (and you haven't blogged the duck cake yet!)

    You did very well with this cake, non-curly licorice notwithstanding. Yours looks much more like real-life cords do anyway. The colours match, you've got the silver cachous in exactly the right spots, I did notice the Lifesaver colour placement... 10 out of 10 for attention to detail.

    More blogging please!

  3. Yours looks more like a telephone than the original. I'd say the original looks like a detonator for an Acme explosive.

  4. It's a shame today's kids won't recognize a rotary dial, the mouth piece or even the cord! I'm enjoying your blog immensely and have just made the number 1 cake for my son. Thanks for the tips.

  5. Skittles are actually making a comeback! I'm more saddened by the homogenisation of chewing gum. Where are the individual packets of all things crazy? (and, more importantly, the cola flavoured hubba bubba?!). Now you're lucky if you can find any individual packs, they're all in packs of five or three. Boo I say.

    But your telephone does look delicious. And that is possibly the only time in my life I will ever utter that phrase, so enjoy it.

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