Picture this imaginary exchange ......
Ring ring! Ring ring!
Them: Hello, it's the Cake Police here.
Me: The cake police? Really? Like the little toppers on top of wedding cakes? How ever did you come to life?
Cake Police: No funny business thanks very much. We police baking. To be specific, we police Not Baking. And it has come to our attention, missy, that you have Not Been Baking. One might say you have Slacked Off.
Me: Indeed, one might say that. Are you saying that?
Cake Police: We are. According to your blog, which we are monitoring, you have not baked a cake for weeks. Is this true? How do you answer to this charge?
Me: It is true to some extent. I have baked cakes but I have not blogged them. Why are you monitoring my website?
Cake Police: That's classified ma'am. Your behaviour is unacceptable. It cannot continue.
Me: I'm sorry officer. I have been experiencing sugar overload. Flour elbow. I have Bakers' Ennui. You see, that duck cake was so good that I don't know how I am going to follow it.
Cake Police: We don't care. Neither do your readers. Get back on the horse!
Me: If only there was a horse cake, I would bake that in homage to your order.
Cake Police: Whatever. Do we have your word that this episode ends here?
Me: You do. I solemnly vow to blog the backlog. By the way, have you even noticed seen the telephone cake in this post? The coloured smarties and lifesavers are placed EXACTLY the same as the ones in The Book. Now that is attention to detail! Although I did struggle with the black licorice. For the life of me I couldn't make it stay curled up like they did in their photo. I bet the stylist used glue, or hairspray or something, to hold it in place. But my cake had to be eaten, so I could not use those tricks of the trade. And do you know how hard it is to even *find* Lifesavers these days? They come in an entirely differently-sized packet! And they are stuck way down on the bottom shelves of shops, along with the dust bunnies and the ladybirds made of chocolate. No one loves Lifesavers anymore.
Cake Police: We know. They are the poor cousin of today's Skittle. But don't try to distract us. We'll let you off with a warning this time, but next time don't expect such sweet treatment.
Me: thank you officer. Let the blogging begin again.