Monday, 16 July 2012

The (Log) Cabin In The Woods




With the publication of this post, I emerge from a baking haze, a veritable prison of musk sticks, and an overwhelming desire to sink down into a bath full of vienna cream and never come out again. 

Imagine me all Betty-Page-esque with a thick fringe and a retro bikini supporting the ample curves that the recent sugar overdose has lovingly bestowed upon my tiny frame; lolling in the bath with my foot hooked over the edge and the cat licking the cream from my toes. Now there's a mental picture for you.

It's been a frenzy, readers, but I have survived to tell the tale. I have lived to bake another day. 

Last week I attempted the impossible. I did not know it was impossible at the time, but now I am MORE than aware of just how ridiculous it was. I mean, just read the intro about the bath. My mental health is clearly at risk.

Three cakes. But not just *any* three cakes. Not the three that are all a variation on the snail, and not the three that are all a variation on the theme of farmyard/zoo/can't remember the third one. Rodeo? Cattle yard? My synapses are shot.

No, the three cakes on my list were not easy. They were:  
  • the log cabin
  • the ladybird
  • and the Jet Plane
These were not easy cakes. There was architecture, and engineering involved. There was structural calculation. There was acres of green coconut, and my fingers are only just beginning to turn pink again. 
 


Today's post is the Log Cabin, because I feel it is metaphorically appropriate for the insanity that I dove into with this task. 

Log Cabins are where the crazy people live in horror movies. They are cabins with snaggle-toothed shingles hanging at precarious angles (I have included one at a particularly special angle, directly on the edge of left hand row of licorice allsort shingles you see there). They are cabins with gaps in the walls, where the wind whistles in and narrowed eyes stare out. 

Four hours of decoration went into this little masterpiece, and with it my sanity and pretty much my desire to ever look at another cake, EVER in my life AGAIN.

I would just like to note for the record that there is a REASON that The Book does not have a photograph of the back of this cake, and it is because that is where you see Hell. It is a mess of icing and coconut and pillars of Flake holding up the cantilevered roof of cake. 

There are thirteen Cadbury Flakes in that roof, people. Thirteen. (Which, naturally, made it a HUGE hit at work and there was not a skerrick to be seen by the time the ravening hordes had finished with it!)

And I had to pin the chimney onto the roof with barbeque skeweres, for fear that the whole thing would collapse and bring down the roof with it. 

So beware, dear readers, if you wish to attempt this cake. Set aside time, and possibly Valium. Certainly wine, though save it until afterwards if you actually want to finish it. Prepare yourself for a trip to the dark side. 

Beware, the Cabin In The Woods.


11 comments:

  1. Ha! I felt your pain. I will never, ever, ever attempt a cake like that. I would call you instead.

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    1. And I, having made this atrocity once already, would casually let the call go to voicemail and then innocently claim I never got it!

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  2. Well done, that is a spiffy cabin. And I want to eat the roof. All by myself.
    Did you see the Heston's Feasts ep. where he and his team made a the gingerbread house from Hansel and Gretel? It was large enough to get into and you could eat every bit of it. Even the windows were made of sugar. In my whole life, I never envied anyone more than those lucky people feasting on that cabin.

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    1. Oh my goodness - I have not seen the Heston episode where they did that cake but now I really want to. When I was little that was my favourite fairytale, and the idea of living in an entirely edible house was just ... well, heaven. I am going to google this and see if I can view it on the intertube. Thank you for the tip!

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  3. Got the mental picture. Thanks!

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    1. It was evocative, wasn't it? Almost as impressive as your recent foray into Chicken Cake, which I truly thought for a minute was a chicken-flavoured cake!! Euwwwww.....

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  4. This made me laugh and laugh and laugh. Awesome post.

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    1. Thank you! I love that I made you laugh in a good way, and not a horror-stricken angsty way of desperation, like I laughed when I was making the damn thing.

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  5. Good job! Making these cakes should an Olympic sport - the dedication and commitment is certainly worthy! Lookinf forward to the next event!

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    1. I completely agree! But what kind of event would it be - a marathon? A weightlifting record? A gymkhana? I think they should invite a special category and award the gold medal to ME!

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  6. Oh, well done! That was always one I thought I might like Mum to make, because of the chocolate roof, but she somehow managed to persuade me that I really wanted a different (simpler) cake. Mum was a past master at cake choice manipulation. :)

    I would really really love a photo of the back of the cake!

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Say something sweet! Or, you know, not.